This morning I was all set to present to you my Bittersweet Goodbye to Winter about my desire to continue to be winter-lazy, but something very important happened a couple nights ago. Something I believe should be posted here and shared. Even if you’re not the Facebook “liking” and “sharing” type, no matter who you are, I think this will hit you.
I belong to a local Facebook group that posts items for sale. I’ve been lucky a time or two selling our appliances and cupboards from our kitchen renovation and many people seem to have great luck as well selling old baby clothes to furniture and everything in between. Many of us also use this group to find out local information like
“Whats going on downtown today? There are so many cars. Am I missing something fun?”
Sometimes, it’s more personal like
“I lost my job. If you know anyone who is hiring, please comment.”
I’ve also used the group to promote my Skin Care Consulting business Rodan + Fields. Most people receive an overwhelming response from whatever they post. Of course there’s always going to be someone with an opinion on a post that usually doesn’t belong there, but they feel compelled to comment anyway. To each his own, I guess.
Well, today…today is different. A very innocent post asking for information, just like many of us do, created a comment that hit home for me. Like I said, to each his own with the opinions, but going out of your way to hurt not only the person posting but probably everyone that commented on that post is completely shameful.
So, this is the innocent post I read:
Immediately I was excited because this is my business. I personally make great money and I feel like it’s a really great decision for mom’s that want to spend more time with their kids, but still receive that independence and financial family contribution. Mind you, my work is done mainly by word of mouth, Facebook posts, sometimes some phone calls or a meeting over coffee or wine. My job can be done when my kids go to bed, early in the morning before they wake up, or during nap time. It can also be done in casual conversation in line at the grocery store while my kids are snacking on the doughnuts they would have gotten regardless of whether I decided to have a conversation with someone or not. That’s my job. It’s pretty awesome!
I’m a mom, yeah. And usually when people ask me what I do I say I stay home with my kids. I often insert that I also am an Independent Skin Care Consultant. They’re not asking me to tell them that I went to two different art schools, I stay home with my kids, I love crafts and hope to sell them on Etsy one day when I have more time, that I also have renovated my home and plan on making that a business for my family to enjoy once my kids are older, that I’m teaching myself how to be a home contractor so I can build my own house, that I’m a blogger and that in my previous pre-mom life I was an Administrative Assistant. They wanna know if I’m an accountant, a lawyer, a yoga instructor, etc. It’s just conversation. So, when I say I stay home with my kids I DON’T MEAN I’m a mom, only a mom, don’t ask me about anything else because I only focus 100% of my time on being only a mom. I have no opinions, no interests, no desires. I threw it all away when I decided to have kids. My life means nothing anymore because my kids rule everything.
To see the following response to this new momma’s post was disturbing:
Keep in mind, I don’t know these people and really am not personally hurt like if it were a friend that said those things but it’s still offensive. I am a stay at home mom. Do I wish everyone I knew was a stay at home mom too? Yeah, but it’s purely selfish! It’s not because I think it’s the best thing to do for you, but because I want adult conversation over coffee at 10 a.m. The idea that a person should only have kids if they can financially afford to have them without working is just strange. Most 30 year olds I’ve met can’t afford much. Many of us are just starting out our careers at this point. Getting our first really good job and hopefully buying our first houses. Most people have some kind of work their way up the ladder plan and we all hope we’ll be making more money when we’re 40 and 50. Guess what, 35 is still your cut off for having kids before things start to get questionable. So, judging by this lady’s response if we have the desire to be anything other than a mother and if we can’t support our family on one income we shouldn’t have children. Whether or not you have a job or desire to do anything other than make lunches and play with 3 year olds does not define whether or not you are a mom.
I’ve never really come in contact with judgement like this before so I really had no clue that it existed. I mean sure, we probably all have a mom or mother-in-law that roots for you to do it one way or the other mostly because they either did it that way and liked it, or didn’t do it that way and regretted it. In the end though, we mostly do our parenting the way we do our parenting, our parents usually accept it, and we take advice sometimes and other times we do exactly the opposite because we’re still kids that don’t want motherly advice.
If you’re one of the moms that’s trying to do it all. Work to make money, thriving off of your independence while still having a loving family with happy children, and receiving judgement like this just know that there are very few people out there that act and think this way.
You are a mom!
Your kids love you because you’re a great mom, not because you work or don’t work!
Most importantly, you must always follow your heart and make the best decision for your family. The opinions of others should never dictate how you create the perfect family!
There are many things that come to mind that I’d like to say to this woman, but I won’t waste my breath.